I reckon there's a gap in the market for a proper handbook for men; a MANual, if you will....
I'm 37 years old and you would imagine that I would be getting the hang of things by now, but this simply isn't true. Apart from anything else, growing this beard has been a voyage of discovery for me pretty much right from the start.
- Why does no one tell you the point at which stubble stops and a beard starts?
- Why has it come out less grey than the rest of the hair on my head?
- To trim or not to trim?
- What do you trim with? How short? How often?
- How far down your throat should you let it grow?
- What about the stubble that grows high up on your cheek bones?
- How long should I expect it to be itchy for?
- What strategies are there to avoid stroking or pulling it all the time?
- Why should growing one be so fascinating to other people?
- What's the etiquette around letting people touch it?
- Beard envy from other guys. What's that all about?
- Should people not be forewarned about how weird it feels on your pillow?
- Is this actually going to keep my face warmer on the ski slopes?
...and so on.
Every day that I keep this thing, new questions keep popping into my head. I'm hardly the first man to go through this, and I surely can't be the only one to wonder about these and other important questions of beard etiquette.
Can I?
Or does this handbook for men already exist and I've just missed it?
Or is it passed down, word-of-mouth, from generation to generation? Did my father neglect to pass this information down to me, or is the knowledge slowly being lost to us men as we lead ever more urban and metrosexual lives where more attention is paid to styling mousse than to basic beard growth and maintenance?
O Tempora, O Mores!
Where did all the real men go?
Since I'm just a bit older than you (I'll be 44 at the end of February), I'll impart the wisdom I've gleaned over the years:
ReplyDelete- Why does no one tell you the point at which stubble stops and a beard starts?
I think it varies by person. Some guys like short beards that some would consider to be stubble.
- Why has it come out less grey than the rest of the hair on my head?
Mine comes in more grey than the rest of the hair on my head. It also comes in kind of brownish, while the hair on my head is black.
- To trim or not to trim?
Personal preference. I've never let mine grow much longer than a half-inch, and then only for a week or two before trimming.
- What do you trim with? How short? How often?
I use an electric beard trimmer (not sure of the brand). Two common brands (in the USA) are Wahl & Braun. Length depends on preference. I tend to trim my goatee to 1/4". Frequency depends on how fast it grows and how irritated I get at the length. Another factor is the length of the hair on my head. The longer that is, the longer I'll let the beard get, and vice versa.
- How far down your throat should you let it grow?
Neckbeards are lame. I just kind of eyeball it and shave from about an inch or so below the jaw on down.
- What about the stubble that grows high up on your cheek bones?
Personal preference. I've seen guys with great full beards with the hair almost to their eyes. I've also seen guys with decent beards where it's just a bit above the jawline. I prefer to shave it so that there's a line between the front edge of the sideburn and the back edge of the mustache. On me, there's an almost obvious line in the growth pattern to guide me. You might have that, too.
- How long should I expect it to be itchy for?
Mine itched for about a week or two the most recent time I grew one.
- What strategies are there to avoid stroking or pulling it all the time?
Amputate your hands.
- Why should growing one be so fascinating to other people?
People are weird.
- What's the etiquette around letting people touch it?
Depends on your personal space requirements. I wouldn't let anyone but my wife touch mine.
- Beard envy from other guys. What's that all about?
A story: When my dad got married for the last time, I had a full beard at the wedding (as did he). At one point at the reception, I found myself being stared at by both of my brothers (older and younger), and my twin uncles. I defensively asked what they were looking at. One of my uncles touched the ends of his mustache and said, "all I want is that little bit of connection between the beard & mustache like you have." My brothers and other uncle all agreed. Guys want what they feel they need to look complete.
- Should people not be forewarned about how weird it feels on your pillow?
I've never noticed that before.
- Is this actually going to keep my face warmer on the ski slopes?
Mine kept my face a bit warmer in cold wind. The only reason I shaved it off is I was causing my wife's neck to break out in acne & rashes from where my beard would contact it when we hugged.
Best of luck with the beard. There's no right or wrong way to care for it.
you're a legend! Now that's the kind of man-to-man knowledge hand down that we should all be doing a lot more often.
ReplyDeleteI think the primary factor in this beard's survival or otherwise after our ski trip is C. It's been a curiosity having it, and I'm getting a bit attached to it, but not so much that I wouldn't shave it off in the drop of a hat if she asked me to.
re. the touching thing. It's not that I let people touch it, it's more that I've been surprised how many people seem to want to....
For the record, I trim mine to a grade 3 and it seems to need attention every 5 days or so as it begins to get straggly. I have my hair at a grade 1, but any shorter than that and the hair / beard ratio would begin to look a bit weird.
Back in 1992 through 2000, I used to vary my facial hair every few months or so. I'd go from mustache to full beard to van dyke to full beard to mustache, rinse, repeat. There was neither rhyme nor reason behind it, I just felt like changing it up. The one constant was the mustache. I only ever shaved it once, and I hated it.
ReplyDeleteThen I met the woman who would become my wife, and I stuck with the van dyke until about a month or two after we got married, at which point I shaved it all off for her. I then grew a goatee. From the spring of 2002 until this past August I had a goatee, with the occasional "vacation beard". In August I grew a full beard so that I could shave down to a mustache for a bachelor party (all the guys grew mustaches as a surprise for the bachelor, not sure why). I then shaved it all off a week later, and grew the goatee back. In October I decided to go full beard again. That lasted until a few weeks ago when I shaved down to the goatee for the wife. She'd prefer me clean shaven, but understands I prefer the goatee. As long as I keep it from getting too shaggy, she's ok with it.
Another beard anecdote: The summer between my Sophomore & Junior years of High School, when I was 16, my dad & I had a competition to see who could grow the best beard fastest. We'd both last shaved on the same day, so at the point we'd decided to compete we'd had the same amount of time growing (about a week). I kicked his ass. Mine was full, thick & dark within a couple of weeks. Months later, when I shaved it off, his was still patchy & scraggly. He claims he won because I shaved. I told him to give me 3 weeks and I'd outgrow him again. I guess I got lucky in the facial hair genetic lottery, while he failed. My older brother can only grow a football mustache (11 hairs on either side), and is balding. My younger brother can grow a decent beard & mustache, but he's nearly bald. I have great facial hair growth patterns, and a full head of thick black hair, with only about a dozen or so grey hairs here & there.
And yeah, that whole touching thing is weird. I can't recall having anyone want to touch it, although my mother-in-law saw it and touched it after hugging me, and said, "oooooh, I just love a man with a beard!" It was actually kinda creepy.
Also, I meant to tell you I love the Haynes manual pic.
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