I think I’ve made a breakthrough in mankind’s age-old battle against the common cold: immuno-suppressant drugs.
I realise that it sounds counter-intuitive, but bear with me. I spent most of the day yesterday sniffling, snorting, coughing and snuffling my way through the fog of a cold – not an especially bothersome cold, perhaps, but a cold nonetheless and an irritant for that. Mornings are usually the worst, when you have a whole night’s worth of accumulated fug sat in and around your brain, before you’ve had a chance to counter the effects with a hefty dose of something powerful and decongestant. With that in mind, at about 11pm last night, I approached the ritual of my weekly injection with some trepidation. I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that injecting yourself with something designed to suppress your immune system isn’t likely to help your body recover from a cold.
On a normal week, I take about 1000mg of paracetamol and 400mg of ibuprofen to stave off the headaches and flu-like symptoms that are the side-effects of injecting myself with beta-interferon 1a. Even so, I often wake up with a fuzzy head and somewhat less than 100% control over my own body. Well, it has to be done, so I stabbed myself in the left thigh, injected the drug and then went to bed, pretty convinced that I would feel somewhat less than in tip-top condition come the morning.
…and you know what? I woke up feeling as fresh as I have done all week. Not better, but heading in the right direction. The cure for the common cold? I’ve got it nailed: just chemically shut your immune response down (it's surely either that or the pie I had for my tea.... hmmm, maybe I should explore the second option more thoroughly. You know... in the interests of science)
At this rate, I might have shaken the damn thing off entirely by the time we go on holiday on Saturday… but even if the immuno-suppressants (and/or pies) don’t completely kill the cold, then I’m confident that several days of standing on a snowy mountain in sub-zero temperatures will be just the thing to kick it completely into touch.
A man I hate
13 hours ago