Monday 16 April 2007

and so it goes, and so it goes....


In Nottingham:
The Groom - a tall and rather diffident chap.
The Bride - a rather long-suffering beauty.

Other characters:

In Vienna:
Clemens - the father
Susie - the mother
Susie - the daughter (don't ask - her husband was called Clemens too. Imagine how confusing that was at family parties....)
Peter - the boyfriend

Scene: A living room in Nottingham.

The bride and groom are sitting together on the sofa. The bride is just back from Vienna and is showing the groom the plans for their wedding.

The Groom (reading from a piece of paper): "Arrive in Austria Thursday 7th June. Pickup at Vienna airport by Peter". Will he be driving the blue Nissan.

The Bride: I shouldn't think so. He doesn't work for Nissan anymore. Does it matter?

The Groom (who has no idea what car Peter drives or that he used to work for Nissan): Never mind. Oooh, flower arranging on Friday afternoon?

The Bride (defensively): Yes, me and the girls.

The Groom: How exciting! Does this mean I'm expected to do something with the boys?

The Bride: Well, it might be nice.

The Groom: Right. We'll be going to the pub then....

The Bride: Oh, there's something else I need to tell you.

The Groom (warily): yyyyeeeeesss?

The Bride: Yes. Susie (younger) had a word with me. Apparently Clemens would very much like to give a speech.

The Groom (decisively): We said no speeches....

The Bride: Yes, and Clemens knows that, so he asked Susie to ask me because he doesn't want me to feel as though I can't say no.

The Groom: ... we agreed we were going to keep things simple....

The Bride: Obviously, I feel as though we can't really say no.

The Groom: Right.

The Bride: ....and my dad would very much like to give a speech too.

The Groom: Right.

The Bride: ...and I didn't really feel like I could say no....

The Groom: I see. I suppose not.

The Bride: The thing is....

The Groom: Yes?

The Bride: Well.... if Clemens and my dad both give speeches...

The Groom: Yes?

The Bride: Well, it will be a bit lopsided. All speeches from my side of the family....

The Groom (coldly): I see

The Bride: I was wondering if you could ask your best man...

The Groom: I don't have a best man. We agreed to keep it simple. I've got a witness....

The Bride: Ok. Your witness.

The Groom
: I told my witness that he wouldn't have to give a speech. He's in New Zealand until June. I don't think it's fair to ask him to give a speech.

The Bride: OK. But the evening might seem a bit lop-sided...

The Groom: We said no speeches!

The Bride: And I thought we should also have two ushers. One English speaker, one German speaker. I thought perhaps you could ask your brother...

The Groom: ........ !



The only thing that matters to me is the marriage itself. The rest is just detail.


  1. Something tells me there will be repeated variations of this discussion between now and the big day.

  2. It gets easier if you just go with the flow mate.....

    resistance is futile....mwahahahah


  3. Also, I am having a very earworm-y week. I blame you. :)

  4. From my experience of 30 years ago (4th January 1977 to be precise, and still going strong) this is how weddings turn out - best laid plans etc. We were going to have just us and two witnesses at the registry office, and it ended up being not quite all singing all dancing but certainly with parents etc and a semblance of speeches - family rows at Christmas being something to do with it, we were nobbut kids in today's terms (23 and 26 respectively). You might think its your and C's day, but there's a whole load of baggage and parental expectations etc around.

    But to more vital matters - when are you going to tell us about the suit??

  5. Sod the suit, I want to know about the frocks, although I suppose that will be top secret til after the event...

  6. C is going down to Shanghai Tang on Saturday for her appointment with the tailor from the Imperial Chinese school, who's in from Hong Kong!

    My suit is measured and on order. A sort of brown with a light herringbone and a touch of blue thread. Slate Blue lining. Single-breasted, two-buttoned, etc. etc. Hopefully it will look great. It was fun.

    Ring is sorted too. Platinum band with a slight courtly curve (or something).

    Job's a good'un.

  7. Did you ever sort out that 'first dance' song?

  8. first song is very much up for grabs still. I was thinking something along the lines of "Fell in Love with a Girl" by the white stripes. You know, fast, up-tempo, not too slushy, not too long...

    Any suggestions?