Monday 3 December 2007

you can brush my hair, undress me anywhere...

As I was showering at the gym this evening, I noticed that someone had left some shampoo behind. Shampoo and conditioner are provided by the gym, so I've never felt the need to take any additional bottles into the shower with me. Still, each to their own, I suppose. As I was otherwise lacking in visual stimuli, and because it was an interesting looking bottle, I picked it up to have a closer look.

It was this stuff:

I read the blurb with some interest:

"Stop excessive hair loss.
Reduce access to Dihydrotestosterone (DHT)
Reduce conversion of Testosterone to DHT
Promote healthy hair growth
Contains Zinc and Vitamin B6 (P5P form)"

Wow. That's amazing, I hear you cry, but how does it work?

Well, here comes the science bit:

Dihydrotestosterone (DHT) and Hairloss

It is universally (universally!) agreed that men and women with male/female pattern baldness have increased levels of Dihydrotestosterone (DHT) in the scalp, which contributes to a shortening of the growth phase and a thinning of the hair. Testosterone is converted to DHT when in the presence of the enzyme, 5 alpha-reductase

In the presence of Nanoguard, the conversion of Testosterone to Dihydrotestosterone is effectively blocked, meaning the cause of hairloss is partially eliminated and conditions for follicle growth are optimal.

How does Nanoguard A work?

Nanoguard blocks the activity of 5 a-reductase, the enzyme responsible for converting Testosterone to Dihydrotestosterone. This enzyme is present in the scalp and hair follicles at high levels. By blocking this conversion, the levels of the androgen DHT are reduced, which stops the shedding & miniaturisation. This also revitalizes & protects the hair follicle and creates an environment conducive to healthy hair growth.

Hmm. That's interesting. So a shampoo can help to arrest hairloss in both men and women? And only £15 a bottle? Where can I get me some of this miracle product?

Oh hang on..... it's all bollocks, isn't it? Aren't male and female pattern baldness caused by totally different things? Is a shampoo really likely to affect that process?

As you may know, I'm a bit of a slaphead myself:

Speaking as a man with hairloss, I really don't see what the big deal is. Sure, I'm fascinated by the way my hairline is retreating on several fronts all at once. I'm also mildly curious why all of the other men in my immediate family still full heads of hair... but have I ever wished that I could make it stop? Have I ever stared enviously at another man's luxuriant mane? Nope. Not really. What would be the point? I've got the hairline that I've got, and that's the end of it.

With this in mind, I've always been amused by the lengths that some people will go to try to either cover up or even to reverse their baldness. Have brush-overs ever fooled anyone? Do they start when a young man first notices a little tiny bald spot and innocently parts his hair over the spot? Does this simple act commit you to a brush-over for life? As your bald spot gets bigger and bigger, do you find yourself sweeping that single lock of long hair further and further over your pate? What about drugs? I watched someone on telly once, a young man, responding to the news that one of the side-effects of taking Rogaine was that it could rob you of your libido. He thought that this was a trade worth making: hair in exchange for your hard-on.

No. Just no.


So I looked at this shampoo bottle, shook my head sadly and put it back where I found it.

Was I remotely tempted to use it? No.

Did I hurry away from the shower cubicle after my shower just in case the person who went in after me chased me up the changing rooms after me trying to hand "my" shampoo back? Yes, I did.

Bald and proud, me.

Well, certainly bald anyway.


As a footnote to all that Morrissey stuff last week, do go and read this in the Guardian - it's the author of that piece, Tim Jonze, in the NME telling his side of the story. The article is interesting, I suppose, but the whole thing is worth reading just for the comments, which quickly degenerate into the predictable slanging match, but are notable for the contributions of Andrew Collins, Jon Wilde, the author and others. Does it add anything to the debate? Nah, but it's funny watching people trying to have a reasoned debate on an open internet forum. Surely everyone knows that's an impossible dream.....?


  1. Different people worry about different things, so it's understandable, at least to me.

    Hair loss though? No, doesn't bother me in the slightest.

    And surely losing your libido for hair re-growth is missing the point, isn't it?

  2. I like the idea of Bald Pride. I think we'd all get together and picket that place that Shane Warne endorses that does hair weaves. Graham Gooch? Francis Rossi from the Quo? Traitors!


  3. Good to see you have your priorities straight on the libido vs hair front...not that I would have ever expected anything else from you. :)

  4. I may have long hair now, but if I started losing it my first instinct would be to go to my second favorite hairstyle: shaved totally bald.

    No hair is quite fine in my books. No libido isn't.

  5. I wonder if it promotes hair growth in *all* areas? Long-term use could then have more of an impact on your sex life than a loss of libido..

  6. When my hair started thinning I didn't notice it a huge deal, but as soon as I did, and realised that I was going to look like a twonk, I shaved it all off. Done.

    And it makes me feel like a hardman!!

  7. My manager's manager wears a wig. It is a really truly awful wig, and I have no idea why he bothers. Hair by Bear Factory.

    On the other hand, if I was to go bald, God forbid, I would be rushing to the wig shop immediately. Gail Porter aside, women are less able to combine baldness and sexiness.

  8. It's not baldness. It's a solar panel for a sex machine.