One of the unexpected benefits of the oncoming Valentine's Day onslaught is that the quality of my spam folder has soared.
It's brilliant, and I simply have to take my hat off to the spammers for the sheer sparkling wit and creativity of their prose. Here's a random sample - just from the last couple of days. Check it out:
"Unleash that watering hose in your pants. Be the King of the bedroom with your new sceptre." (Sceptre? I like that.... Watering hose? Less so.)
"Your enlarged package will satisfy her to no end" (to no end? eh? where's the fun in that? I can do that already...)
"It's going to be a bumpy night, tell her to buckle down for the ride of her life. Your tool can only get BIGGER" (wow- that's motivational)
"Don't let women laugh at your tiny tool. Enough is enough." (tiny tool? is that supposed to be motivational?)
"No longer want to be shy about your item?" (do these people know me?)
"It's time to bring your good willy hunting" (I see what they did there...)
"Become Mr. Big. Pop this twice a day to increase your lenght and girth considerably. if your lady tells you that size is of no importance, she is lying to you. studies clearly show that the intimate life of couples whose man has a smaller one is a lot less active than their counterparts who have big sizes. So think about it again." (Hmmm. think about it!)
"Your instrument will bring great joy to ladies" (Ah, fortune cookie copywriting!)
"Big male instrument is your wealth" (and again!)
I could go on, but I'll leave you with my absolute favourite:
"A couple of inches never hurt anyone"
This is advertising like it ought to be. Ladies! Thinking of a gift for your other half on February 14th.....? Look no further! Just dive into your spam folder and follow those links, those naughty little doorways to happiness and fulfillment.....
I have to tell you: I'm almost tempted.
That stuff is wasted in the spam folder.
The new normal
2 days ago