Lisa likes brandy and the way it hits her lips....

Now, look. I don’t do this sort of thing very often, but I’m going to make a recommendation of someone whose blog you should read. I should probably do it more often, really. I’m pretty sure I used to do it a bit more back in the day, when we were all a little bit more connected and comments were more free-flowing. Somewhere along the way we all got that little bit more self-absorbed and wrapped up in our own lives and a little less concerned with the lives of total strangers. I think maybe we’re all a little poorer for that.

Oh sure, I know that Twitter has picked up a lot of that slack. But really, how much can you really connect with someone in 140 characters? It’s better than nothing, but I’ve made some fantastic friends through blogging, many of whom I now share conversations with on Twitter… but I’m not sure that we would be in quite the same place if we had only met through Twitter.

Anyway. I digress.

I’d like to point you in the direction of Lisa Lynch and her blog Alright Tit. I’m pretty sure that as a successful author and journalist in her own right, it’s not that Lisa needs the hits… but I haven’t read a blog in a long time that I find so consistently touching.

Most of you will be familiar with Lisa, but she was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 28 and began a blog in 2008 to work through the issues and emotions that the diagnosis raised, as well as to document for herself and her friends the many ridiculous things she experienced along the way – weird post-chemotherapy pubic hair regrowth to name but one. It’s been a bumpy ride: the cancer diagnosis, the treatment, the subsequent inability to have kids, the mastectomies, the new improved rack, the book, the broken back suffered on the Mexican holiday to celebrate the all-clear… and then we moved onto what we thought was going to be the next chapter of Lisa’s life. Her life post-cancer.

Something about Lisa’s writing struck a chord with me right from the start. A lot of this is because she’s a pretty damn good writer, but it’s also because of the lovely way that she finds comedy in the hand she was dealt and just gets on with her life, no matter how ridiculous and inconvenient it might have become. I don’t have cancer, but I have seen parallels with my own MS. It’s a shit business, but what can you do?  What can anyone do?

When I got back from Africa a couple of weeks ago, I logged onto Alright Tit, following a plug on Lisa’s twitter feed, to see what had been going on. I was horrified to read that Lisa had been diagnosed with a secondary cancer in her bones. This time it’s not curable. Apparently we’re talking years and not months, but even so…. It was an awful thudding shock to me as a reader and casual internet acquaintance. Imagine how it must have felt to Lisa and her family.

And yet, here’s Lisa in her update today, she’s busy being funny and moving and profound all at the same time. Reporting a long text conversation with a friend about the latest news on each other’s cancers:

[edited slightly. Go and read the post in full]

Lorna:… Oh Lisa Lisa. Why the fuck?
Lisa: …Why? Because we’re the best ones. If we weren’t so bloody brilliant in the first place, none of this shite would be a problem.
Lorna: Do you know what I think, Lisa? I think through all this we have stayed nice girls. We love our families, we love our work, we love our lives. Cancer won’t take that away from us. I really believe that everything happens for a reason – some of us pull the short straw health-wise, but the long straw life-wise. We are long straws.
Lisa: That, Lorna, is going on my blog, because it is absolutely spot on. I love you x

I read that, sat at my desk in the office at the end of a long day, and it moved me. You know what? That’s going on my blog too Lorna, because it absolutely is spot on and hits the nail on the head. We’re the long straws and no stupid fucking disease can change that unless we let it.

Definitely go and read that post though.  There's a scary legal statement at the bottom about copying without prior written permission, so you know.....

back chat....

You might think that it's inconsequential, but Twitter has just saved me the best part of £200.

I'll tell you for why.  About a week ago, I returned some stuff I'd bought from Wiggle, the online sports shop.  I posted the package on a Saturday morning, and by Monday I received an email telling me that they had given me a full refund, including the cost of the postage back to them.  I was impressed, but it only reminded me of a refund I'd been chasing elsewhere for the best part of six months.

When we were in Auckland, way back at the very beginning of April, I bought myself a pair of Teva  Wraptor sandals.  The big attraction was that they were closed toe, but it was an added bonus that they had a clever drainage system in the sole that meant that they were excellent water sandals too.  When we were in Africa in May, I wore little else.  They were great.  Unfortunately, the grill over the drains in the sole seemed to be made of some sort of nylon fibre, and after a couple of weeks of wear, they started to give way.  Not too big a deal, you'd think, but it now meant that things could now poke up through the hole and into my foot.  Not great, especially not for a shoe that had effectively only had about 15 days of wear.  I decided that I'd ask for my money back when I got home.

Given that I'd bought them in New Zealand and would be returning them in the UK, I thought that this might be a problem.  I sent an email via the website explaining the situation, and my hopes weren't much raised by the subsequent response I had from an obviously Indian-based call centre with a non-Teva specific email address.  Great, a call centre that handled several companies all at the same time.  I was expecting to be frustrated.  To be fair,  they handled the query about as well as could be expected and I successfully managed to arrange the return of my damaged shoes -- with the receipt -- for inspection prior to a refund if they were found to be faulty.  I sent them back, but heard nothing.  So I chased.  And I chased.  And I chased.  After a little while, I ended up talking on the phone to someone from Belgium who confirmed that they had received my shoes and agreed to a refund, and now asked me to fax my credit card details to someone in their finance department (they weren't allowed to take them over the phone).  Fine.  Nothing.  Not even anyone to confirm that they had, or had not, received the details.

I chased again, eventually getting a response from the USA that told me to create an account on their website as it was the only way that they could process the refund.  I quickly did this, but then got nothing at all for weeks.  I sent more emails, but by now I had stopped getting even the standard "we will respond to your message in the next 24 hours" standard response.  It was now November, and I was starting to get seriously annoyed.  What was wrong with these people?  How can they make it so hard for me to get my money back when they'd actually agreed the refund?  In my innocence, I had thought that might be the hard bit.  I wasn't going to give up, but did wonder what my next move should be.

After Wiggle processed my refund so quickly, without really thinking about it, I put up the following tweet;

"@wigglenews have refunded me inside 2 days for a faulty product where @Teva have so far taken 6 months. Just so you know."

Much to my surprise, I was quickly engaged in a conversation with whoever runs the Teva Twitter account, and before long they were chasing me to see if I had heard from their customer service team.  Less than a week after that initial tweet, I had an email from an actual PERSON at the parent company behind Teva (Deckers Outdoor Corporation), saying:

"First I would like to extend my sincere apologies for the mishandling of you return for your Teva product.  I have been in touch with our return department in Wincanton and have gotten the information on which product has been returned. They have stated that you sent back a pair of the men’s Wraptor’s. I will be processing the return for you in the amount of $125.00 USD [which is more than I paid in the first place]

I will have the business department process this right away.

Also because of all the inconvenience this has caused you I would like to offer you a replacement pair of shoes at no cost. Please reply to my email directly and let me know what you may be interested and I will take care of that for you.

Perhaps it's coincidence, but I can't help but think that it is only because of the intervention of whoever runs the Teva Twitter account that this has happened.  Nearly six months of trying, and it's a throwaway message on a disposable medium that gets me my money back.

Still, credit where credit is due.... Teva have taken a bad news story and pretty much completely turned it around.  The free pair of shoes is a nice touch, don't you think?

Yeah, alright... Twitter is still pretty inconsequential, I agree....But amidst all the trivia, spam marketing and celebrity chitter-chatter, it's not entirely useless.

I can tell that we are going to be friends....

After years of refusal, I have finally caved in and set up a Facebook account....although judging by the number of people who almost immediately hit me with requests to be my "friend", I would imagine that most of you know that by now.  (how does that work, incidentally?)

I'll admit that I was quite proud not to have an account for so long, but the simple truth is that the real reason I didn't open one because I know myself too well; I know how much time I spend on the internet on things like blogger and twitter, and I had an inkling that Facebook wouldn't be any different.  Best not to open that door, I thought; better not to get started at all than to have something else to suck up my life.  That and the idea (picked up from membership on Friends Reunited) that I would be getting requests from people who I would rather never see again as long as I live.

In the end, what tipped the balance was the desire to stay in contact with some of the brilliant people that I met in Africa.  Yes, I could email them, but setting up a Facebook account seemed to be the best way of making sure I was included on the photos we were planning to share and was generally a good way to stay loosely in contact with everyone with the minimum of effort.

You know what?  It's been okay.  I have had requests from people I don't care for, but I've ignored them; I have spent a fair bit of time mucking about with it, and it's another thing -- along with email and twitter -- that I check regularly on my phone, but overall it's not been so bad.  Actually, it's been sort of fun.  I had some initial problems setting up the privacy settings on my account, but even that's now been sorted and everything seems to be ticking along nicely.  I'm "chatting" to some people I haven't had much regular interaction with in years, and it's been good.

I've not "poked" anyone yet, mind..... I hope it stays that way.  And no, I haven't Facebooked your mom, although I wouldn't rule it out.

yackety yack...

I doubt I'm the first person to say this, but I'll almost certainly not be the last: I think that if Twitter hasn't already jumped the shark, then it has definitely got its leather jacket and its waterskis on and is approaching the ramp at speed to make that jump.

The company only started in late 2006, but although I've been using it for something like 2 years, I would certainly never claim to be an early adopter. In fact, I actively resisted @sarlitchin's encouragement to get signed up, and only joined on 23rd February 2007, with my first update at 12:39pm. And how did I choose to greet the world?

"digesting homemade pea and ham soup. Exactly who homemade it, I didn't dare ask. It was yellow. mmmm. *burp*."

Nice.

It really took off for me on our three week trip to Ecuador that March, when I found that the 140 character text message update was a good way of keeping a record of where I was and what I was doing, be that staring at erupting volcanoes, discovering the effects of altitude or celebrating my birthday at 4500m.

That was it. I was hooked. An addiction that really took off when I got an iPhone and discovered just how easy applications like Twitterific and TwitterPhon make updating from almost anywhere.

I think what I liked was the way that the 140 character limit brings out the creative side and entertaining side out in some people. It's actually probably more amazing how much you can say in that space, rather than how little. As someone who, as this post will testify, is prone to be a little verbose, I loved the freedom of expression it gave me. I gathered "friends" at a gentle pace. I've never been a Facebook user, so I didn't feel the urge to add people unless I wanted to read their updates in my stream. Of those I did add, most were people that I actually knew somehow, either in real life or from a blog or something. Others I picked up randomly or were friends of friends and had said something that caught my eye. It was all good.

This week - and it is very definitely in the last seven days - something has changed. Suddenly Twitter is everywhere. Even the Daily Mail felt the need to tell the world how boring and pointless it was on 3rd January this year, and when the Daily Mail knows and disapproves of something, then the writing really is on the wall.... (although interestingly, the Daily Mail has a Twitter presence, @mailonline.... which, I'm pleased to say, has about five times fewer followers than a Daily Mail Parody, @notdailymail_UK). The reason for this sudden flurry of interest in twitter? The growing presence and visibility of celebrity users.

Now, I've got nothing against this and obviously they have as much right to be there as anyone else. I follow the likes of @stephenfry, @wossy (Jonathan Ross), @neilhimself (Neil Gaiman). All are pretty entertaining and, as they obviously all do their own twittering and don't leave it to some PR flunky, it's somehow a little bit thrilling to be so involved and engaged with their day to day lives. As well as reading about their lives, you can interact with them by replying to their tweets or asking them a question, knowing that there's a chance, no matter how small, that they may just @ you back personally. Not surprisingly, most of the famous people on twitter have thousands of people following their streams: Stephen Fry has 45,055 and Ross has around 10,000 (I have 55), but the numbers of followers they have are growing exponentially. Neil Gaiman remarked this afternoon that a couple of days ago he had 500 followers, and now he has around 5000.... As these numbers grow, behaviours start to change: even the most entertaining streams become full of answers to other people's (invisible, unless you actively go looking for them) questions. Even the most sane people start to spend their time replying to celebrities in the same way that they might a 'real' friend. I keep catching myself doing it, and even though it was nice to receive a reply from @wossy, it was basically pointless.

But the celebrities are bringing people flooding onto Twitter, and even those of us already on twitter are flocking to the celebrities. Lists are being published showing the usernames of notable people, even in such apparently sensible places as the Guardian. Of course, this being the internet, countless numbers of people on Twitter are not exactly who they say they are. Luckily Jonathan Ross is on hand with his address book to ring up his mates and to tell us that Jeremy Clarkson is fake, Alan Sugar is fake, Alan Carr is real, Jimmy Carr is real but done by his assistant.... Russell Brand isn't on yet, but he's working on him.... There was a bit of confusion over David Mitchell, but we soon found out that @ADavidMitchell was a fake and that @RealDMitchell was the real deal. Actually, that last one was something of a shame, as the real David Mitchell apparently has absolutely nothing to say other than to confirm that he is the real David Mitchell. The other one was much more entertaining. I've also got a soft spot for @thefuckingpope - he's probably real, right?

There are countless applications that will tell you all about how influential a tweeter you are, whatever that means. Twitter Grader will tell you if you are in the so-called "Twitter Elite", or exactly how far off it you are. My Twitter Grade is 84 out of 100 (93,830 out of 955, 229)... although based on what criteria I don't know. I checked the list for Nottingham to see if there was anyone local that might be interesting to follow, and was a touch disappointed to see that the majority of the local "Twitter Elite" have streams that consist almost entirely of links to their own weblogs. What's interesting about that?

Jonathan Ross reappears back on our TV screens from his exile on 23rd January. One of the guests on his first show back is Stephen Fry, and it will be a miracle if they don't talk about Twitter at some point in their conversation, which will subsequently be broadcast on prime time TV on BBC1 on a Friday night..... priceless publicity, I'm sure, and both will presumably suddenly acquire a whole new batch of readers on Twitter, and an even greater percentage of the Twitter using public will be following the same handful of people than are now, shrinking the online ecosystem of just a little bit more diversity and creativity. Most of all, it will be robbed of a little bit more of that intimacy that once made it feel special.

Still, I suppose that Twitter is very much what you make of it, isn't it? Stephen Fry has never been anything less than entertaining on his twitstream, and nobody is forcing me to follow (or to @reply) to anyone else if I don't want to, famous or otherwise. I'm starting to feel like I'm reading "Heat" magazine, or "Hello" or something like that: I'm finding myself grubbily compelled to subscribe to these people, even though it makes me feel a bit dirty and is turning twitter into something I never intended it to be.

Perhaps I should just go cold turkey and see if I can kick the habit? I'm 1,833 tweets in. Is it too late for me?

[I've just read about @PiMPY3WASH - the washing machine modified to tell its owner when a washload is finished. Great idea. It's got 193 followers.....all bar one of whom I think need to look closely at their lives]