Monday 10 October 2005

I regularly hurt but never say

I wouldn't say that I was a creature of habit, but my routine has definitely been upset. Why? Because C. left yesterday afternoon to spend a week on business in Hong Kong and China. On the face of it, this is great because it gives me a few days to do what I want, eat what I want, watch what I want and go to bed when I want (most of which I do anyway, but you know what I mean). After about ten minutes though, I realised that it wasn't going to work out like that.

I think I'm moping.

Let me explain. I'm an introvert; I derive a lot of my energy and stimulation from within myself. That's not necessarily the same thing as enjoying spending time on my own. In fact, I like having people around me, and I draw enormous comfort from having C. in the same room, even if we aren't actually talking (and actually, talking sometimes ruins the calm for me - I like to spend my time reading or blogging or something, and sometimes I don't actually want the engagement of a conversation). This can be frustrating to an extrovert like C., and I must often seem very withdrawn, but it's the way I am.

When I'm on my own, no sooner do I settle down to do something, than my mind starts to wander onto what I could be doing next. As soon as the thought is in my head, I can't sit still and have this unbearable urge to go and do it. I'll sit down to watch a DVD and I'll have to get up to make a cup of tea, or to get my bag ready for work, or to get the laptop, or whatever..... I just can't settle. Yesterday I did okay, I think. C. left at about 6pm, and after that I managed to read an entire book, cook my tea and watch a couple of episodes of Seinfeld before heading off to bed. This evening I'm not doing quite so well. I got home from work a little after 7pm, cooked and ate a pizza, pootled around the internet reading a few blogs and so on. And now? I think I might go to bed and read a book. It's 9pm! That's about 3 hours earlier than my normal routine.

I miss her.

I've also been listening to 'Leaders of the Free World' by Elbow, which - great album though it is - probably hasn't helped my mood...


I've got 6 bookcase pics so far, but I'm still on the lookout for more please......

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