Wednesday 1 March 2006

what about it daddy cool?

And so to the results of the fridge competition....


Yoko said Here we have the fridge of a party animal; a night owl, someone who lives alone, and who is out of the house more often that they are in. A great fridge to come back to at 4am after a messy night out – we may be witnessing here the fridge of a former raver. More evidence of life lived under UV light comes from the fabulous LED temperature selector. If you turned the iPod up and opened and shut the fridge door a few times to the beat, it would be practically indistinguishable from a young persons’ discothèque!

This is someone who has been around the block though – because you can be assured of an Asti and RED Bull cocktail that’ll keep the party going until the next morning and sail you through to that awkward breakfast moment. But never fear, our man is prepared even for that! Egg on toast with a nice glass of iced tea – charmant! Might this refrigerator belong to one of our American chums? You’ll never find eggs that white in the UK, and Pepsi never arrives on these shores in 16oz cans. My only worry is for this person’s longer term health. Nothing here contains Vitamin C, and our friend is only just the right side of an attack of scurvy, because the
only vegetable matter in evidence is designed to assist seeing in the dark.

.....and the fridge belongs to: Hyde (still posting stuff on The Annals of Mr. Hyde)

Who else would need to have that much sugar-free red bull kicking about? The breakfast of champions.


Yoko said: Aha! This is almost certainly the fridge of a couple, or possibly that of a shared house. I am getting a very friendly, sociable vibe – a love of adventure and travel, and an equal love of returning to home and hearth. There is a definite yin and yang effect in this fridge – the tiny jar of Nescafe on the top shelf provides a harmonious counterpoint to the huge cling-film covered pans and containers that scream ‘dinner parties’ to me. This is the fridge of a pair of entertainers – inclusive people who are happy to share.

There’s plenty of scope for a pick through this fridge – doesn’t that meat pie look like it might be nice cold with a couple of ginger nuts while you put your feet up in front of the box when you come back from the local? Definitely a couple – because look - someone’s forgot to buy some more MILK! Bloody hell! Points are gained for a reasonable selection of condiments in evidence and for the suggestion of chlorophyll filled items in the crisper box. Nice people. Wait – am I spying open brickwork and raw plaster in the background…is this fridge in someone’s garage, or does it belong to someone who has recently moved house?

.....and the fridge belongs to: Suburban Hen from Suburban Hen House

dinner parties hen? when's the next one? I want some meat pie!


Yoko said: This is my favourite fridge – what fun! I love that the designers have taken all the aggravating guesswork out of cold storage decision making by labelling the various areas clearly whilst subtly paying homage one of my favourite films – Withnail & I.

What a festival of futuristic fruity exuberance this fridge is! I find myself wondering whether the owner of this fridge is a vegetarian – and whether she is female. I like that she makes little Tupperware tubs of unspecified vegetable matter just in case she gets peckish, and backs this up with ready made fruit tubs in case she needs to trough out. I like that she has a cranking great flagon of milk, which she probably uses to sluice a giant bowl of Cheerio’s while typing at her keyboard in case of carbohydrate emergency.

This person may be worried about dehydration, and the condition of her skin- she dutifully has two water filters on the go at once – in fact the sheer ratio of fluid to solid in this fridge in really quite impressive. A camel would be quite comfortably accommodated. Might this be the fridge of a person who works in the healthcare field? Definitely a USA based fridge – maybe even South America judging by the AZTEC tortillas…?

.....and the fridge belongs to: Jenni from Wonder(ing) Goddess

Hm. Not so much in the healthcare field as a lawyer-in-training, but close. That certainly is a whole lot of milk. Why do you need two water filters, by the way?


Yoko said: OK, this fridge makes me die, and may eventually have the same effect on its owner. No wonder he doesn’t like vegetables, when they comprise two floppy carrots part way to paradise! Tell a lie, there are a couple of avocadoes there if I’m not mistaken, mmm…nature’s butter.

This fridge exudes sheer bachelorhood. If you brought your own bread, you could just about make yourself a nice peanut butter and jam butty, and a strong black coffee, which might just be enough fuel for you to get your shoes on and skidaddle to someone with food in the cupboards! This fridge belongs to a person who has nary a domestic bone in their body – someone for whom the takeaway meal is not a treat but a lifestyle choice. The kind of fridge owner who will come home plastered and make a sandwich using the cheese as the bread.

.....and the fridge belongs to: The Artist Formally known as Rufus-Fan, and now performing under the name Sarah at A rest is as good as a change)

Give the girl a break... she's been travelling. Nothing wrong with a coffee sandwich in the morning anyway.


Yoko said: Wow, what a beautiful fridge! Lit like a little Caravaggio – this is the fridge you want to creep down and have a midnight snack from! It looks so cosy – I like the sensible ratio of water to food that going on here. A nice selection of materials for snackage; little pork pies, perhaps a slice of pizza, some beautiful fresh Covent Garden soup, and something yummy and home made looking in the tubs at the top to scoop into a bowl. Here we have the fridge of a single person, or a household where only one person is in charge of the kitchen, and that person is one with tastes encompassing comfort and nourishment. I like the big bag of salad – and wait – is that a bottle of angostura bitters in the fridge door? A jar of Dulce de leche?

This is an undercover gourmet. I am fond of a nice under the counter model, too. Very compact, European, and tidy.

.....and the fridge belongs to: Aravis from Exploring Aravis

That is a beautifully inviting fridge. When can we come round?


Yoko said: Oh dear oh dear. Something has expired in the fridge door. Did you know lettuces contain an opiate-like compound? This one needs a dose of its own medicine. We are clearly in the land of the free again here – look at the size of that milk container – holy cow (almost literally) – and yet I am worried for this person. A few peppers and what looks like a tray of ready-made coleslaw afloat in a sea of Mountain Dew and Pepsi.

I hope this chap pops home to his parents from time to time for a feed and to do his laundry! He needs looking after, and is probably single and looking. I bet this person is unfeasibly thin and takes hits straight out of that chocolate sauce bottle to keep themselves going! Perhaps I have misjudged him…perhaps he just hasn’t been shopping yet this week…?

.....and the fridge belongs to: Charlie from Late Night Radio

A little more beer and this would be the perfect Man fridge!


Yoko said: An altogether different kind of fridge. This is someone concerned with ethics and sustainability. Apart from the fabulous array of vegetables and yoghurt-y desserts, look at the three (count them) containers of delicious Covent Garden fresh soup. May I also draw your attention to what looks like a recycled pulp container, a bag of bean sprouts, and a jar containing what appears to be a human kidney? Note the lack of plastic in this fridge, there is no cling film and no Tupperware, only re-used and re-usable containers. This is the fridge of a highly conscientious woman.

On one shelf there is a selection of wines for every occasion including what looks like a bottle of Gimonnet & Fils Brut Cuis Premier Cru Champagne. A perfectionist. A thinker. A person of great taste and distinction.

.....and the fridge belongs to: SwissToni

Yes, middle-class liberal guilt fridge. Plenty of booze though, and yes good champagne spotting skills Yoko. That's a leftover sausage, by the way... not a human kidney. Tsk.


Yoko said: A fascinating fridge full of contradictions. I spy a cheeky Tunnock’s Teacake and a Milky Way in the door, a packet of Kit-Kats and some white bread, brown sauce and petit filou. Here is someone thoroughly unpretentious – a salt of the earth family – a purveyor of bacon sandwich, barbecue and chilli con carne. This is the most dairy product infused fridge by far – and the only contender that features a freezer compartment and chocolate. I congratulate the owner on his no nonsense approach and fearless honesty of presentation. Yes, that’s a baby bottle placed slap bang in the centre, but in the immortal words of Hannibal Lecter “Doesn’t it seem like the elaboration of a bad liar?”

.....and the fridge belongs to: Mark from Fear And Loafing in England

The bottle was the giveaway.... but oooh tunnock's tea cake? suits you, sir.


Yoko said: Here’s a very well balanced fridge – it has that indefinable good mix of grazing material and solid ‘cook from scratch’ ingredients. This is surely the work of a couple – look at that mind-blowing selection of condiments! That’s the work of more than one set of taste buds. A good mix of meat, vegetable and liquid – this fridge speaks to me of rationality, comfort, worldliness and cricket. What’s that at the back, under the foil? It looks like a corking great big syrup sponge or something, doesn’t it?

This fridge is health without denial – the embodiment of the idea that a little bit of what you fancy does you good. Straightforward and sensible. Note the enormous quarter of Edam – that’s family sized. Also note that this fridge contains no bottles. This person stores their wine in a cupboard, or a second fridge. It’s the fridge of an affluent house, not a flat, possibly even that of a parent. Balance and health consciousness without faddism.

.....and the fridge belongs to: bytheseashore

Gillian McKeith would be proud of you. Rationality, comfort, worldliness and cricket... was she close?


Yoko said: This person enjoys pickled herring – whether pickled in mustard, or with carrots onions and spices; and this may indicate a Scandinavian music connection - or is that a red herring? I must confess that the regimented rows of Robinsons Fruit Shoots are freaking me out. This is an obsessive planner, a person who leaves nothing to accident. For dinner tonight is lentil and bacon soup, next is bangers and mash followed by a strawberry yoghurt, and accompanied by a glass of Innocent de-tox and finally succumbs to the guilty pleasure of a Robinson’s Froot Shoot chaser! Note that there are only 7 – one per night, and colour coded. Perhaps this strict regimentation reflects a strict intake of calories? Someone training for a sporting event, or trying to lose weight?

In any case, the salad dressing and Thousand Island aren’t fooling anyone - there hasn’t been any vegetable matter in this fridge since 2005. Look how shiny the glass is! I bet this person is a demon once those E-numbers kick in. Light the fuse and watch them go. All that pent up energy!

.....and the fridge belongs to: Lord Bargain from The Bargain Basement

and the winner of the most anally organised fridge is......


Yoko said: I’ve been straining my eyes, but I can’t make head or tail of this fridge. It’s a fridge that is ashamed of itself. Look how all the labels are turned away from us. This fridge belongs to an introverted and shy person, one who can only tolerate others in small doses. I hestitate to speculate upon what exactly that is in the plastic tub on the middle shelf. A part of the owner of this fridge has never really grown up. They indulge their inner child with Laughing Cow triangles and chocolate spread and nursery food like boiled eggs and soldiers.

This person is young at heart if not actually very young, and has no interest in food at all, other than as fuel. This is the sort of person who might eat the squirty cream straight out of the bottle in YOUR fridge the moment your back was turned. Laid back and self-indulgent, but probably a lot of fun and fiercely loyal once they come out of their shell. This person has strong anti-corporate leanings.

.....and the fridge belongs to: Spinsterwitch from Life As I Know It

So come on Spins... what's in the tub?


Yoko said: If I had a midi file of the musical phrase of ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’, I’d insert it here. A haunted fridge! The Fridge of the Baskervilles! This fridge probably has a smoke machine and owl hoots that automatically kick off as you open the door. Having established the atmosphere – I have to draw attention to the extreme contrast supplied by the contents. This is the most utilitarian fridge I have ever seen.

The baskets take the practical containment of foodstuffs to a new level. Bags be gone! All veg. here is fast, loose and equal! I picture this person sitting down to their reductionist luncheon – perhaps a spring onion dunked straight into the Hellmann’s jar, thence straight into the hummus, then down the jolly old trap. No washing up needed, just slide the empty jars into the black hole at the bottom. Probably chase that down with a nice tangerine. Perhaps don’t even bother to peel it; it’ll only make a mess.

This person is very serious, and very busy, with a consequently pragmatic approach to diet. Food is fuel, and diet can be best approached by its fundamental components. Fibre – fat – sugar. Salt of the earth, with a strong connection to nature. Quite possibly even a gardener.

.....and the fridge belongs to: Lithaborn

Yoko deserves a prize just for the phrase "fridge of the baskervilles" here. It certainly is mysterious. What are the baskets for? Do you keep your laundry in the fridge or what?


Yoko said: This is a massively fruit and vegetable oriented fridge, quite in your face. A preponderance of lemons make me suspect an acid sense of humour. I can see two definitely low fat products, so this person is health conscious on the surface, possibly dieting. Wait - is that a sneaky beer I spy hidden behind that huge jar of olives? There is something exuberant and artistic about the way the fruits and veg are chucked in this fridge.

Note the unapologetic own-brand label down at the bottom there, this is someone who is practical and thrifty in some respects, and yet as evidenced by the jumbo box of strawberries at the top, extravagant in others. Rather a lot of packaging and plastic in this fridge – someone who lives for today? There is no meat and little dairy in evidence; does this indicate that the owners are vegan? I guess this is either the fridge of a single woman or a couple.

.....and the fridge belongs to: YokoSpungeon

Ah Yoko, don't be modest. It's a beautiful and unpretentious thing... just like it's owner!


but what of the results?

Here's the leaderboard......

Mark: 6
Bargs: 6
Jenni: 5
Aravis: 5
Alecya: 3
Bytheseashore: 2

So we have a tie-break situation - Mark, Bargs and Aravis are tied for the lead (I'm calling Aravis out here as she deliberately didn't name her own fridge, and so I'm giving her the extra point).

Tie break question: how many pages are there in my favourite edition of my favourite book? (the answer to this is around and about the place, if you care to look for it)

If the competitors could pop their guess below, then we're game on!

And here's a reminder of what you could win...:

-> A SwissToni compilation CD, lovingly crafted by my own fair hand and specifically tailored with the winner in mind !!

-> The chance of being the Guest Editor in the Earworm of the Week slot.... even if you've done it before !!

-> The honour of choosing the title for a future post on this blog (in the house style, obviously).


Thanks for playing everyone, and extra special big thanks and kisses for Yoko for her sterling work. What a gal.... (and I should probably add that she knows the answer, I reckon, or at least where to find it.... so if you really want to win, you might try bribing her).


these are hard work, you know.

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