I'm feeling low today. I feel physically low and professionally low, and the two of them together are making me feel a bit emotionally low.
I feel physically low because my body is tired from the exercise that I took at the weekend and I'm feeling the symptoms of the WTs across my arms, shoulders, legs and feet. I didn't do all that much really, just a run on Saturday and a gentle swim on Sunday, but it appears to have been enough. I was a bit hungover on Saturday, so I was actually pleasantly surprised by how good I felt on the run, but by Sunday I was starting to feel it. I started the swim strongly, but swimming is the exercise that I feel the weakness in my shoulders and arms the most, and I could feel myself slowing down over the course of the last 20 lengths. I slept badly and I've been tingling ever since.
Naturally, my response to feeling this tired was to take advantage of the lovely evening to go for a jog. You might think that this is only going to make things worse, and physically I'm sure it will. Emotionally however, I find that still feeling that I am able to go out and do this makes me feel an awful lot better about myself. The day that I am physically unable to pop out for a spontaneous jog is the day that I'm really going to feel depressed.
My professional low is easy to explain. I'm on a CV-enhancing course this week, which ought to make me feel pretty good - especially as it was quite interesting today. At lunchtime though I picked up the news that a good friend of mine, a girl I worked with for a couple of years before she moved on to different things, has just been brought back into the department in a role that is above my own. I am delighted that she's coming back partly because we had an absolute blast when we worked together before, but more importantly I'm pleased because she's really bright and will do a great job. She's certainly miles better than the shower of shit that make up the rest of the department, that's for damn sure. I'm not even annoyed that her career has taken her past me, because she probably deserves that too. What's pissed me off is the fact that this just serves to remind me how little I appear to be valued by the same people who are bringing her back. They talk a good game about how they really want to promote me and they do appear to genuinely value and (to some extent) rely upon my input... but as Jerry Maguire would have said, it's time they showed me the money. The situation with my health has been giving me pause for thought before embarking on a career change, but I really think it's time I started to look for something else. Fuck'em.
It is only Monday though, and things always seem their blackest on a Monday.
... and it's pizza for tea. How bad can things really be when it's pizza for tea?
the thing about the heartsick shut-in
3 days ago