Thursday 3 May 2007

the taste of love is sweet...

I'm not much of a gardener. Our house has a back garden that is smaller than the size of our bedroom, and that's fine by me. I like our little garden just fine, and I was out in it about 5 minutes ago, but gardening really isn't my bag. We've lived here for over 4 years now, and I don't think I have once mowed the lawn (a task that would take no more than 20 minutes even if you were using a pair of nail scissors).

That said, I am currently growing some chilli on our kitchen window sill. We bought a "grow in the bag" set from Muji a couple of weeks ago, and I'm absolutely loving it.

Why? Because I once read that if you want to give your chillis temper, if you want to make them really fiery, then you have to swear at them. If you want chillis with real bite, then you have to scream the foulest obscenities you can think of at them as they grow. If you don't do it, then you don't love them enough.

I think this is brilliant.

At least twice every day I stand at the kitchen sink and curse at these tiny seedlings as they start to push their way out of the soil in this bag. I stand there and I curse at them with all the venom I can muster.

It is so therapeutic.

My only problem is that we bought another "grow in the bag" kit at the same time..... strawberries. I have a suspicion that strawberries are a lot more sensitive than your average chilli. I think that strawberries probably thrive when they are treated gently; that they will be sweetest if they have grown hearing only the sweetest nothings being whispered to them.

I'm worried that all of the swearing won't be good for them.

So....before I swear at the chillis, I whisper to the strawberries that daddy loves them very much but that they mustn't listen and should think happy thoughts.

So far, so good.

I think maybe I've got green fingers after all.


  1. the Myth Busters team did an experimen with plants and types of music. They had three greenhouses on a roof, each with the same conditions, except one played classical and had sweet nothings wispered to them, one played heavy metal and had obsenities wispered at them and one was a control house of 'silence'.
    the rock babies grew better.

  2. Do not bring your plants near me. I bring death to all things green.

  3. and please excuse my spelling and typing in the above comment :)

  4. Like J, I have deadly poisonous, not green, fingers. I always keep fresh flowers in the house as plants only last about two minutes. At least the flowers are already dying by the time I bring them in.

  5. This is too funny. Perhaps I should also try growing chili peppers; it does sound therapeutic.

    I love the image of you whispering to the one, and yelling obscenities at the other. What do the neighbors think? *G*